‘Game of Thrones’ Season 8, Episode 1 winners and losers

first_imgYou may be asking yourself, “What is ‘Game of Thrones’ doing on a sports site? Does an HBO show fall under the sports category? Oh, that reminds me of ‘The Wire.’ I love ‘The Wire.’ I can’t believe Idris Elba was using an American accent that whole time. What a terrific actor! Wait, what was I talking about?”Calm down, reader. Let’s not get off track. To answer the first two questions, sure, “Game of Thrones” can be sports. It is a competition (battle for the Iron Throne) between multiple teams (houses) for an ultimate prize (ruling Westeros and getting Jim Nantz’s tie). So yes, we’ll call it sport.  MORE: “Game of Thrones” actor, World’s Strongest Man admits to steroid useWith that said, Sporting News will be providing winners and losers from the eighth and final season of “Game of Thrones.” We will treat the final six episodes like six huge playoff games — only instead of teams trying to kill time off the clock with a big lead, armies will be trying to kill wights with dragonglass and fire. Same thing, basically.Unlike the “Game of Thrones” theme, this introduction will actually end. Without further ado, the winners and losers from “Game of Thrones” Season 8, Episode 1, entitled “Winterfell…”(***Obvious spoilers warning***)”Game of Thrones” Episode 1 winners— Jon Snow (sort of): The brooding bastard of Winterfell found out he is actually Aegon Targaryen, the son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen and the heir to the throne of the Seven Kingdoms. That’s a pretty big win!He also hopped on a dragon, Rhaegal (fitting considering his father’s name), and caught everyone’s attention like a Harley Davidson rider in a residential neighborhood. He’s already got the inferiority complex, so now he just needs a leather jacket.However, Jon also seems to have little interest in accepting his true title, and there’s that problem with having Auntie Daenerys as his girlfriend. He may have to trade in those make-out sessions for therapy sessions. At least he knows why Drogon was staring in disapproval.#GameOfThrones #GOT8 #JonSnow #WinterIsHere #SansaStark #BranStark pic.twitter.com/46tNYWA5rV— Kagami_Taiga (@jo_ranking_) April 15, 2019— Bran Stark: This is an odd young man totally devoid of social skills now. The three-eyed raven abroad program turned him into the student who comes back wearing a beret and pronouncing “Barcelona” with a “th” sound because he’s cultured.And yet, Winterfell’s Professor X deserves credit for owning his creepiness (leading to countless memes) and operating with a sense of urgency about the arrival of the Night King. Plus, he has somehow built a fully functional system of ramps to drop him in the perfect spot when he wants to blankly stare at a middle distance. Or he can teleport. Something is happening.Can’t wait to see his interaction with Jaime Lannister in Episode 2.I present to you..Dr. Dre’s The Next Episode ft. Bran#GameOfThrones pic.twitter.com/rrlNeQHrw1— Shahbaz Khan (@ShahbazMKhan) April 15, 2019— Sansa Stark: It’s crazy Sansa has managed to make it this far. Ramsay Bolton, Cersei Lannister, Littlefinger — she survived a literal murderer’s row.Here she stands in Season 8, stronger and smarter, dealing out more shade than a House Stark flag on a sunny day. You typically only see this kind of passive-aggressiveness in a LeBron James Instagram post. Daenerys and Sansa are the queens of sass #GameofThrones pic.twitter.com/VEfkNS4Oak— ◤Lana (@Torres3203) April 15, 2019Sansa has learned a lot over the course of her journey and isn’t afraid to challenge those in charge, whether it’s Daenerys or Jon. Keep it spicy, Sansa! “Game of Thrones” Episode 1 losers— Daenerys Targaryen: The Queen with a title longer than a CVS receipt is trending way down. She lost one of her three dragons, Viserion, to the Night King at the end of Season 7. She still has Drogon (a lazy name for a dragon, by the way) and Rhaegal, though that dragon is warming up to Jon.Sansa doesn’t like her. Sam is understandably upset about her going full “Dracarys” on his family. Jon now knows the truth about the throne. We could be on the cusp of seeing a 2016 Warriors-esque collapse.Ladies and Gentlemen, we are only a few days away from Daenerys blowing a 3 dragon lead.pic.twitter.com/w8SGlOwaVi— Cowboy Kof (@KofieYeboah) April 4, 2019— Tyrion Lannister: The Hand of the Queen has become the Mike McCarthy to Cersei’s Aaron Rodgers. Come on, man. The army isn’t coming. You really think she’s running that play? Sansa was right for calling him out. Tyrion is losing the locker room.Team Sansa – more & more she is getting wiser & smarter shes plays it well in the iron throne game pic.twitter.com/86eKX164i9— Applecrumble8181 (@Applecrumble811) April 15, 2019— Bronn: Sock on the doorknob? Note in the hallway? Any sort of locking mechanism? We understand the carnal desires, Bronn, but maybe some planning next time to avoid any interruptions in the chambers.Aside from his prostitute party, the lethal mercenary must decide whether he will attempt to kill the Lannister brothers for Cersei. Her promise of an extravagant reward is like those first few Ryan Fitzpatrick games with a new fan base. Don’t talk yourself into it, Bronn. It won’t end well.— Samwell Tarly: How did Episode 1 go for ol’ Sam? He had to inform Jon of his true parentage because Bran was busy inspecting the spokes on the wheels of his chair, but only after he learned Daenerys had torched his father and brother. Not great! Samwell: My dog, Pongo?Daenerys: Run over by a carriage.Samwell: My goldfish, Goldie?Daenerys: Eaten by the cat.Samwell: My cat?Daenerys: Choked on the goldfish.— Caroline Siede (@CarolineSiede) April 15, 2019Stefon’s Westeros Club CornerThere’s plenty of doom and gloom around the Seven Kingdoms, so to end each week on a lighter note, we will pick a location from the episode and describe it through the eyes of “Saturday Night Live” character Stefon.New Westeros’ hottest club is… CRYPT. Located in an abandoned warehouse on the upper eastside of Winterfell, this snow-covered nightmare cavern finally answers the question, “How tall is Kit Harington, really?”This place has everything: stone steps, dark corners, scented candles next to your beheaded father’s tomb, A FACELESS MAN… and is that Rickard Stark? No, it’s Samwell Tarly explaining that you’re banging your aunt!last_img